“The truth is that our finest moments are most
likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or
unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that
we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or
truer answers.”
M.
Scott Peck
PHILOSOPHY
Most of us believe that we
solve our problems rationally. What we don’t realize is that it is actually our
underlying feelings that drive these rational decisions.
This Men’s Group guides men
in learning how to solve problems differently by being able to access,
understand and most importantly work from a male perspective with emotions and
feelings.
5 BENEFITS
Recently, a wife of a man in one of men’s group said, “did you
sprinkle pixie dust on my husband? He’s changed!” it is such a
powerful therapeutic approach for men. Why is this?
1.
Men
yearn to connect with other men about fundamental life issues. At a
deep level, men know that they need to share and learn from each other’s
experiences. Unfortunately, there are few opportunities for this.
2.
Frequently,
the women are complaining that we don’t express our feelings and our needs
enough or that we simply don’t have any needs or feelings. Well, I haven’t met
a man yet that doesn’t have needs and feelings. Actually, we have
lots! We may have become numb to them or not know how or when to
best express them, but we definitely have them. Often a little help goes a
long way in learning how to identify and express them in a safe and healthy
way.
3.
This
may seem counterintuitive, but men have an easier time learning to express
their more vulnerable feelings and needs in the company of men.
Prohibitions about showing weakness seem to be harder to let go of when there
are women in the room.
4.
Men’s
small groups offer the opportunity to practice identifying and expressing needs
and feelings in a healthy way. It’s easier to see our own issues in
another person than it is to see it in our self. It is often a
great relief when men learn that they aren’t alone with these issues.
Feeling less isolated and less abnormal they are then empowered to
express them at home.
5.
Most of
us don’t get and haven’t gotten relevant feedback about how we come off in the
world. “Leading with vulnerability” has become a mantra in my men’s
groups. In a relatively short amount of time men know fellow group
members and are known -all the good bad and ugly- on a deeper level than they
have ever experienced. They know each other’s strengths as well as the
things they struggle with. The deeper we understand and trust each
other the better able we are to give and receive relevant compassionate
feedback that is actually helpful. Groups aren’t necessarily the best
approach for everyone. A group may not be indicated for someone who
is in extreme crisis or for more serious mental health challenges.
However, I would say that most of the issues that challenge us today are
relational in nature or at least have a significant relational component.
Everything we do to help us relate in healthier more compassionate ways will
have positive ripple effects in the rest of our lives.
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